I’m only human. I don’t need, but I want. I don’t need somebody to listen to what I have to say, but I want somebody to listen to what I have to say. I don’t need somebody to understand why, but I want somebody to understand why. I don’t need somebody to whisper me sweet words that can wrap my heart into a blanket of warmth, but I want somebody to whisper me sweet words that can wrap my heart into a blanket of warmth. I don’t need somebody to realize that I can still feel, but I want somebody to realize that I can still feel. I don’t need somebody to feel less lonely, but I want somebody to feel less lonely. I don’t need somebody to put my mind at ease, but I want somebody to put my mind at ease. I don’t need somebody to help me embrace my flaws, but I want somebody to help me embrace my flaws. I don’t need somebody to show me that I’m not a monster, but I want somebody to show me that I’m not a monster. I don’t need somebody to love me for the person I am, but I want somebody to love me for the person I am. I don’t need somebody to need me, but I want somebody to need me. I don’t need somebody, but I want somebody.
To play the role of independence, but still needing the presence of someone. That’s how humans are. We say we like loneliness, but then we go crazy if we have nobody left. I’m scared to be abandoned or left alone, because I’m human. And that’s why I just want to be human. Because I love you and sometimes I don’t feel like I’m not enough. Because I want somebody to listen, to understand, to realize, to feel, to ease, to embrace, to show, to love, to need, to want.
I’m only human, after all.
At my breaking point.
We may not know if we’re each others last, but I can tell you this, I don’t want you to be in my past. No, I want you now and in the future. I do want you as my last, but I can’t see into the future. I can’t tell you what may happen. But, I do love you. I know that for sure.
We have laboured to overcome that sense of shrinking, that desire to conceal, which either Nature herself or the tradition of almost all mankind as attached to cowardice, unchastity, falsehood, and envy. We are told to ‘get things out into the open’ not for the sake of self-humiliation, but on the grounds that these ‘things’ are very natural and we need not be ashamed of them. But unless Christianity is wholly false, the perception of ourselves which we have in moments of shame must be the only true one; and even Pagan society has usually recognised ‘shamelessness’ as the nadir of the soul. In trying to extirpate shame we have broken down one of the ramparts of the human spirit, madly exulting in the work as the Trojans exulted when they broke their walls and pulled the Horse into Troy. I do not know that there is anything to be done but to set about the rebuilding as soon as we can. It is mad work to remove hypocrisy by removing the temptation to hypocrisy: the ‘frankness’ of people sunk below shame is a very cheap frankness. A recovery of the old sense of sin is essential to Christianity.
It’s a monster that’s growing inside, stirring, ominous. It’s a dark shadow, a cloud over your head. Even when you don’t want to feel it, it forces you to at least acknowledge its presence; whether or not you act on those impulses will be a reflection of your character. You will be stigmatized.
I look at pictures, and I think to myself, who is that smiling person looking back at me? It’s hard to believe I could actually have been happy with these people at that particular time of the photo.
We aren’t allowed to be sad. I feel like we’re so desensitized in today’s society. Yes, things are bad; cancer, divorce, dying, death, all things that could cause you to emotionally and mentally break down… They’re so “common” it’s something that people feel like they understand and generally know how long the grieving period is. We are expected and supposed to be able to fully recover and move on as if these things impacted us and made us into who we are, or function in society like they never happened and separate your personal life from your life outside your home… but there is no acceptance of people who become “weak” because it. If it takes you longer to get over things, it’s almost not okay.
You fucking remember the date of your anniversary with your EX, yet you don’t fucking remember my fucking birthday. Yeah, february fucking 9.
I just don’t know what to do anymore.
What if everyone is just characters that you made up in your mind based on how you view yourself and how others view you?
I would enjoy moving. I like adapting to new situations, and I would love a chance to start over, knowing everything I know.. Not make all those mistakes. It would just be nice to move out of here. I don’t feel of much value little to nobody here. So if I had the chance I would.. I bet it would show you all, I’m not taken for granted. I’m truly hurt with my friends this year. Being forgotten, and not really chosen always hurts. They can’t see it but of course, I can and it really takes a tole on me. I just want a drastic chance in my life. I want new people, new surroundings, and new situations. It feels as if everyday is just another reminder of my worthlessness to myself. I’m over thinking I suppose, but that’s how you figure and realize things right? I’m not in another suicidal mindset, more of a “done” mindset, a ready to start something new type of perspective. It’s hard for anyone to understand and hard to anyone to see because no one cares enough to ask or cares enough to look and realize somethings wrong.
Don’t get used to me, because it’s easy for me to walk out of your life without ever turning my head. It’s easy for me to make it seem like you meant nothing, and I know exactly how much that hurts.
The world is full of chaos. Throughout every life, we go through times of absolute peril. Some recover, some relinquish, whilst some fade into the depths of society, of which consume their sinful souls. As humans, each and every moment is fuelled by selfish desires from within. Whilst some may react on these impending desires, others tend to lock them away, like a repressed memory; these restrictions build up over time, eating away at our inner selves. Similar to bad memories, or hidden emotions, repressing our selfish desires can result in negative repercussions. Like all, we ignore this. And through our ignorant ways, we are now granted with what we can call an arrogant and self-loathing generation, fussed on the superficial, and oblivious to what is around them. We care about one thing, and one thing only…ourselves
Look. I don’t like you. Fuck being nice. Fucking being the better person. I don’t like you. I would say I hate you, but no. I’m not that kind of person to hate on anyone. I don’t like you. You tease to hurt others, you don’t tease just for the joke. No, fuck you. Fuck you. You and your little group of people who you think as friends. Dumb fuck.